at sixes and sevens. popcorn for dinner because I can't commit to soup in a can or soup from the box.
I acknowledge: there's severance, there's a safety net for us, financially, and for that I'm grateful. Very, very grateful and mindful of how many people don't have that. Many many people have had far more traumatic experiences with the sudden removal of their jobs.
I've long acknowledged, too, the out-of-whack imbalance - work and life. And have realized that it's possible that a little too much of my own identity has been melded into/by the work I do.
It's now been two work days. Like the flip book version of the seven (how many?) stages of grief, I dally in denial and bartering, but have circled sadness and anger for much of the day. And touch on unmitigated weeping, mild pukiness and occasional self pity and self righteousness.
I'm angry at having to not tell students who ask about the fall that I won't be able to help them, and because I hate speaking in the passive voice (workshops will be scheduled; steps will be taken).
This is so not funny. I'm taking my longer rant to the blog that no one reads.
Pacing myself. Three months to go, To. Go.
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I read it every day. The "lame duck" period is bizarre I'm sure. Have they told you you can't tell students or others? Are your colleagues being kind? Can I bring a bag of whiskey to your office?
ReplyDeleteGood news is there's only five stages of grief, so acceptance is right around the corner (in, like, June maybe?). There's no such thing as taking too long to rant in a blog post. That half the point. I've been "lame" for a whole month and only now am feeling like maybe one day eventually I can get back to my real self and manage to do my job effectively again. I have found that it is good to have time to search for the next phase/step/job... Even if change is terrifying. Have you seen Up in the Air? Just watch the opening scene. Lots of times. Made me laugh and cry. Hang in there.
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