day four

sort of chemically instable. unstable, volatile but not in a threatening to self or others way. one of those elements that can spontaneously combust into blathers of tears, snot, loud keening (or something less ear drum piercing than keening, but something that definitely certainly entirely means business).

Maybe a little bit, too, like the lovely five year old upstairs, whose cry and crying can go on minutes and minutes past the actual cause of tears. A crying that says, HEY LOOK AT ME, HEY, HEY. HEY! HEYYY! and then it exhausts itself, she exhausts herself, I exhaust myself.

grateful for the comments here, elsewhere, for support all around. a small but surely big enough circle of beings to remind me that yes, this is horrible. Yes, I hate what's happening. No, I am not disparaging any entity or its agents, I am merely and entirely sad and possibly angry, but not in a harm to self or others inducing way.

Onward. Three months. To. Go.