no good deed

so this

in hindsight, of course, realize that just because someone knows how to do something, or knows about something, doesn't necessarily mean that that person can teach others about it. or about how to do it.

as grief has seven stages or something of something (denial, anger, bargaining, sleepy, dopey, happy, cranky, acceptance), so, too, do I do the dance:

- it wasn't my assignment, it was ok to take the night off, I was trying to help , I offered a solution
- I should have stayed and done the thing there and not gone and done the thing I wanted to do, which wasn't at work. which wasn't work
- it's done
- shit
- my stomach hurts
- whatever

another piece of the larger picture of too much to do and too few people to do it. going through motions.
needing to step back. contemplate what does actually matter. head down, balls to the wall.

What does matter, actually? How do I focus on that/on those things, and do them and make every best effort to do them well?